Many parents are used to giving praise-based feedback. Words like “good job” and “great” get tossed
around to the point they become diluted.
Author and researcher, Alfie Kohn also
believes praise-based feedback creates “praise junkies” out of children.
With that said, why not practice other ways to give “feedback”
to children that might help the child grow and progress?
Here are a few ideas how to take “good job” and “great” out of
your parenting repertoire:
1. Say
nothing. “Sometimes the best parents are
the ones with teeth marks on their tongue” (slightly modified quote from Kohn’s
work). Does everything a child does need
your stamp of approval or your measure of worthiness?
2. Describe
what you notice and ask the child to “tell” you about their experience. For example, you might say, “I noticed you
finished your entire book this afternoon.
Tell me about the story. Or after
your child scores a winning goal, “I noticed you scored an important goal, tell
me about that moment.”
3. Ask
the child a reflective question.
Reflective questions are open-ended and usually start with “how” or
“what.” For example,
·
(After a child brings home a straight-A
report card): What helped you earn
straight A’s?
·
(After a child puts away all their
laundry): How did you do that so
quickly?
·
(After a child makes their own
breakfast): How can I help you learn to
make other morning meals?
Notice the difference between the three ideas above and
praise-based feedback. Praise-based
feedback does nothing to help the child improve or grow; it just feeds the
child’s praise junkie side. While the
three suggested ideas encourage the child to be reflective and thoughtful.
Jen Lara teaches full-time at Anne
Arundel Community College as a Professor of Education. In addition to studying {life} coaching, she
blogs at www.upcyclededucation.com. With two
Masters degrees in education from University of Colorado and Johns Hopkins
University, Jen infuses her parenting classes with the best of teaching and
{life} coaching combined. Prior to moving
to the Columbia, Maryland area, Jen worked with K-12 students in suburban Denver,
on the Navajo Nation, in Quito, Ecuador, in inner-city Baltimore and on ropes
courses in North Carolina and Arizona. When not tethered to her laptop,
Jen enjoys reading, hiking, spending time with her family (Paul, Olive and Jedi
the dog) and all things Colorado and crafty.
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